Hello, My Name Is Satan!
by Italian Nightmares
Summary: Lovino Vargas knew he was always sort of different. He didn't mind though, until it became a pain in the ass. Demon/Angel AU. 'Graphic' parts come up later, role switch. Please R&R! Much appreciated!


"Ugh. This is fucking stupid." Lovino swore as he stormed down the busy street in San Francisco with a briefcase full of papers. His asshole of a boss just had to assign him fifty pages of paperwork and it was only his first week at his new job as an editor. He finally had his dream job working with books but all he did was go through boring paperwork. It sucked ass, especially since he only got out of college since of a few months ago. He was always cooped up in that stuffy, white office and hardly had time to do anything fun.

"Well, maybe you can call in sick?" Matthew, his best friend ever since high school, stumbled behind Lovino, wrapping his big, fluffy, red scarf around himself.

The Italian rolled his eyes. "I did that three days ago, of course I can't do it again." Lovino chuckled darkly and pulled at his long, warm jacket. "Maybe it would be better if I got hit by a bus. Then I wouldn't have to do my work at all."

Matthew shook his head at his friend's morbid humour. "You shouldn't talk like that."

"It's a fucking joke." Lovino rolled his eyes again and clutched to his suitcase tighter. He only had two blocks left until he got to his warm, cozy flat.

"I know. But it's bad karma, y'know... Bad luck."

"There's no such thing, you fucking baby. If there was such things as karma, you would be alive and I would have been the one six feet under already."

Matthew sighed in defeat. "Fine. I suppose your right. I just want to look out for you..."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm just fucking stressed.." Final block. God, why was it so fucking cold? He squeezed the briefcase against his chest. "Don't even get me started about my landlord." People streamed around Lovino at the late hour like a river. It was dark, cold, and everyone just wanted to go home. No one even minded, let alone cared that the young man seemed to be talking to himself.

Before turning the corner, Lovino heard a loud roar. A red, classic, Lamborghini sped down the tall hill. In perfect or horrible timing, the Italian was just able to see the car 's headlights and the licence's plate. N0-H4L0.

Lovino was run over. Matthew should have saw it, but he didn't. Luckily he didn't have to scream for help (not that anyone would hear). The streets were crowded and soon the block was covered in panic.

"How do you feel?" Matthew hovered over his friend in his hospital bed. Things were beeping and the whole building felt like death, old people and really bad hospital food. He hated it.

"Like my body has been crushed by an expensive Italian car. How the fuck do you think I feel? Dammit, I can't even feel my right leg..."

"Well, I listened to the doctor and luckily you're gonna heal, but your leg is partially paralized or something. I don't know how these things work exactly."

"Lovely." Lovino sighed and sat up, wincing. Everything hurt. "Whose the bastard that ran me over?"

"Um, well, I didn't get a good look at him, but he sort of looked like you."

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Me?"

"Yeah, but like a cheery, smiling you. It was weird. It's probably just a mis-"

The doors burst open and a cheery, smiling man waltzed right in.

"Ciao! I really thought for sure you were dead! You're harder to kill then Rasputin!" He laughed left the other two dumbfounded.

"Uh.. Speak of the devil, huh Lovino..."

There were no words of what Lovino was feeling. There before him was the spitting image of himself, but with slightly lighter hair, softer eyes, and he smiled. Christ, he had the same stubborn curl too! The only big difference was that he was wearing a dark maroon suit while Lovino was still in his bed and in a night gown.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Ve, I'm your fratello of course! Your twin, Feli! And you're Lovi and you're Mattie!" Now it was Matthew's turn to be flabbergasted.

"I.. Um.. Y-You can see me?"

"Si! It's sort of my job to, ve!" He laughed and Lovino and Matt just stared at him, like he was an alien.

"Ah, I guess I should start from the beginning." He walked over Lovino's bed and stuck out his hand. "Hello! I'm Satan, Satana il Diavolo, and I tried to kill you so I can take you back to Hell where you belong! Ve, it's so nice to finally get to see you again after a hundred years! Now we can be together for ever!"

Lovino's expression was completely emotionless. "So you ran me over on purpose? To take me back to Hell? And you're Satan? I thought your name is Feliciano..."

"Si! Feliciano is just my human name, like your's is Lovino! Seeing your friend should be proof enough, no?"

Matthew swallowed. This was going to turn very loud, very quickly. But if he left, Lovino blow up. He had the worst temper.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU BASTARD WHY WOULD YOU RUN ME OVER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSHOLE THAT IS THE WORST PICK UP LINE EVER OH MY GOD YOU NEARLY MURDERED ME I-"

"Is everything okay?" A blonde nurse popped her head in the door, obvisouly worried with all of the yelling.

"Ah, si! My brother is just a bit upset! He's a bit delusional. Ve, fratello even thinks I'm the one who ran him over!" He laughed and Lovino narrowed his eyes.

"You little piece of shit."

"When will my fratello get to go home with me?"

"Oh hell no. You are not coming home."

The nurse tilted her head. Feliciano smiled like a charm snake. The lady was a ditz and became a nurse for the sole purpose to fuck a cute doctor. Forget about helping people. As the Devil, Feliciano knew a thing or two about sinners.

"I'd say in another few days.. I mean, he's only been here for two days so-"

Feliciano leaned in close to the girl and grinned. "Oh, but I'm in such a hurry! It would be a such a relief if he could come home with me now. Ve, what do you say?"

Being close to the woman, he could feel her stiffen. He was short, but taller then most women, so he was happy looking down at her, bring his head close as possible to hers.

Feliciano had the girl wrapped around his finger.

"I- Um, I suppose you can leave now if you want but you need to fill out paperwork and-"

"Si, I suppose I should do that now, hm? Care to help me out?" He snuck a sneaky, sly look to Lovino (whose face was twisted up in disgust) before he kissed her. A master of lust would have no problem with getting a quickie and his way at the same time. He'd get his brother out in no time.

"Ciao! I'll be back!" He waved and escorted the nurse to the nearest bathroom.

"That is not my brother. And he certainly is not Satan." He crossed his arms and glared at the door.

"But Lovino, I think it is! It sounds weird, but I have this... feeling that he's a powerful being or something. And somehow, you're both connected. I mean, he looks exactly like you. Even he wasn't someone Satan, why would he look like you?"

Lovino gritted his teeth. "If he's Satan, what the hell does that make me? I thought that Lucifer was cast out of heaven. I don't remember him having any brothers. It doesn't make any sense."

Matthew looked to the ground. "Well, I don't know then.."

"Well, I know this guy is a psychopath who is trying to kill me, so I'm getting out of here. Where the fuck are those crutches?"

Matthew pointed to a pair leaned across a wall and tried his best to help his friend get out of his bed.

"Fratello! I'm back! Oh, are you trying to escape? Ve, sorry I took so long! But I can take you back to your house and then I can kill you and we can go back to Hell!"

"Shit."

"Please let me in! I promise it won't hurt!" Feliciano banged his fist against the door, desperate.

"Never, you fucking psycho! Leave me the hell alone! How do I even have any blood relation to you?" He leaned against the door, thankful he watched enough Supernatural and read books. He couldn't believe that the salt circle thing worked. Not only that, 'a demon can't come in your house unless you invite them' is true too, so thank God for that.

"If you let me in I'll explain!" Lovino looked at his companion and Matt shook his head.

"Suck my dick!"

"Ve, fine, if you don't let me in, I'll make my minions do my job for me. I hope to see you soon, fratello."

* * *

**_A/N: WOW, I haven't written in a while, huh? Well, I want to start a new story. I wanted to start a demon/angel AU story for a loooooong time, but I don't want to make it cliche, so I'm going to switch some roles around, starting with Feli as Satan. Hehe, prepare for more, my pretties :3_**


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